god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
