Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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