It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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