Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
