you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize