just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
