ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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