After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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