Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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