Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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