1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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