eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
