I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
