There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
