does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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