I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
