i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
