Betty ford says i'm here all night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
