im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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