I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
