We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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