i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
