Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
