remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
