Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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