I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She even gives head with a lisp.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
