its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
