"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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