ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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