Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
