I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize