My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You have to summon your inner elephant
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
