Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
