we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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