yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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