My liver just broke up with me...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
