trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
