Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
