Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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