A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
