he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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