he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
