Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
