The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
