Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The Olympian is in my bed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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