What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
