he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
