One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
