I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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