There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
