the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
