I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
