You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
