so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
