hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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