'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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