Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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