So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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