I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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