I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
