the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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