Hippo gnu deer
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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