before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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