We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
