after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
