Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
