Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
