come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize