I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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