apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
