he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
