I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
