I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
