I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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