Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
