every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
