you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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