just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
how does that bad decision feel?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
