did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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