Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
it's great music for shaving your balls
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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