Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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